Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a raise.
Friends are like condoms; they protect you when things get hard.
Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.
Masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good and fun until you realize you are only screwing yourself.
Without a doubt, women are the foundation stone of society; but always remember who laid them!!!
Money is just like an arse .. everybody has it, but ... nobody wants to give it !!!
Men play the game. Women know the score..
Wives are funny creatures .... Wives don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.!?!?
Whenever you feel low, depressed or useless, remember that you are the same sperm that won a battle against a million others.
The most enjoyable form of sex education is the Braille method.
Here is the definition of divorce... She gets the ring and the man gets the finger!!!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
A good chuckle from Maxine
As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember
1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written
an impressive new book. It's called
'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink
and be Mary.
3. The difference between the Pope and
your boss, the Pope only expects you
to kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning, one brilliant
flash and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to
Your door is if you're in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies. I tried it once.
The seat folded up, the drink spilled, there was popcorn all over the floor and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes
Now, of course, there's
shipping and handling, too.
8. A husband is someone who, after taking
the trash out, gives the impression that
he just cleaned the whole house.
9 My next house will have no kitchen - just
vending machines and a large trash can.
10. Definition of a teenager?
God's punishment...for enjoying sex.
11. As you slide down the banister of life, may
the splinters never point up.
1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written
an impressive new book. It's called
'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink
and be Mary.
3. The difference between the Pope and
your boss, the Pope only expects you
to kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning, one brilliant
flash and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to
Your door is if you're in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies. I tried it once.
The seat folded up, the drink spilled, there was popcorn all over the floor and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes
Now, of course, there's
shipping and handling, too.
8. A husband is someone who, after taking
the trash out, gives the impression that
he just cleaned the whole house.
9 My next house will have no kitchen - just
vending machines and a large trash can.
10. Definition of a teenager?
God's punishment...for enjoying sex.
11. As you slide down the banister of life, may
the splinters never point up.
Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
And last, but certainly not least:
14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.
Ultimate True Test: Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. Then open the trunk and see who's the happiest to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
And last, but certainly not least:
14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.
Ultimate True Test: Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. Then open the trunk and see who's the happiest to see you.
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