Quick thinking lad

A man in London walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy
half a head of lettuce.
The boy working in that department told him
that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.
The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager,
"Some old bastard wants to buy a half a head of lettuce."
As he finished his sentence, he
turned around to find that the man was standing right behind him, so
he quickly added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.

Later, the manager said to the boy,"
I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation
earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are
you from son?"
"New Zealand, sir," the boy replied.
"Why did you leave New Zealand ?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and rugby players there."

"Is that right?" replied the manager ," My wife is from New Zealand

"Really?" replied the boy, "Who'd she play for?"



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Why sharks swim around you

Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied a fishing boat in distress.

"Follow me, son," the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the boat.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.

"Now we eat everybody." And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first?

Why did we swim around and around them?"

His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!"