Things that make your scratch your chin and say....hmmmm

� I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

� Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

� The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

� Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

� If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

� We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

� War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

� Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

� Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

� A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

� I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

� A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

� The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

� Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.