Ever spoken and wished you could take the words back, or that you
could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly,"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blo* job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
Melinda Lowe, 39,
*************************************************************************
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage
insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I
wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run
and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex right in
front
of our guest.
Kathy Newman, 46
***********************************************************************
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom
and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he
looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They
came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of
our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the
picture,laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer
look.Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that
in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror
-wearing nothing but a camera!
Name Withheld
*************************************************************************
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I
was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After
browsing for several minutes, I was approached by
one of the
good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if
he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
"I think I like playing with men's balls."
Colleen Collins, 31
************************************************************************
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy
behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm
just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically,
the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my
sister has never let me forget.
Faye Emerick, 34
************************************************************************
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely
think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but
don't get any.....a true story...We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they
were laughing so hard!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
JUST FWDED
Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!
**********
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
**********
Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
**********
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
**********
Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means ,
"With Idiot For Ever !!!"
**********
Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.
**********
Teacher: u know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad
got heart attack & our driver ran away.
**********
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs
???
No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.
**********
Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential
Dad says, you are my son, i'm confident. Your friend is also my son,
that's confidential!
**********
Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we
should talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother Faints... --
**************************************************************************
**************************************************************************
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife
dressed in a very sexy nightie.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you
want."
So he tied her up and went fishing.
****************************************************************************
****************************************************************************
A woman came home, screeching her car into the
driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
"Honey,
pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack,
beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
*******************************************************************
*******************************************************************
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always
right, and the other is a husband.
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!
**********
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
**********
Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
**********
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
**********
Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means ,
"With Idiot For Ever !!!"
**********
Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.
**********
Teacher: u know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad
got heart attack & our driver ran away.
**********
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs
???
No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.
**********
Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential
Dad says, you are my son, i'm confident. Your friend is also my son,
that's confidential!
**********
Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we
should talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother Faints... --
**************************************************************************
**************************************************************************
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife
dressed in a very sexy nightie.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you
want."
So he tied her up and went fishing.
****************************************************************************
****************************************************************************
A woman came home, screeching her car into the
driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
"Honey,
pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack,
beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
*******************************************************************
*******************************************************************
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always
right, and the other is a husband.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)