JUST FWDED

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!

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Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".

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Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"

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What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress

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Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means ,
"With Idiot For Ever !!!"

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Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.

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Teacher: u know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad
got heart attack & our driver ran away.

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Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs
???
No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.

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Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential
Dad says, you are my son, i'm confident. Your friend is also my son,
that's confidential!

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Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we
should talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother Faints... --
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One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife

dressed in a very sexy nightie.

"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you

want."

So he tied her up and went fishing.

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A woman came home, screeching her car into the

driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,

"Honey,

pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack,

beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always

right, and the other is a husband.